The British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP) is sharing top tips from therapists to help tackle some of the most common relationship problems ahead of January, better known by some as ‘break-up month’.
The couples collective, formed by six BACP therapists, report that couples are now coming in with issues different to five years ago. They are now navigating socio-economic challenges such as the cost-of-living crisis, issues over jealousy stemming from social media use or desires to pursue open relationships.
BACP’s Mindometer survey of 3,000 therapists found that over the past year, 58% of therapists reported an increase in clients presenting with relationship issues, while 30% of therapists noticed increases in the number of enquiries for counselling services from couples.
Commenting on the findings, Indira Chima BACP therapist and member of The couples collective said: “Covid opened the floodgates to relationship work. People are more open to talking about their mental health and relationship issues because of covid. The idea of life being too short and wanting to enjoy it to the full means people are not willing to settle.”
But with the holiday season in our midst, lots of couples are now also feeling an added strain on their relationships. The pressure of having the perfect Christmas, along with the expenses related to this can be difficult for couples to navigate. This year, more than ever before, many will feel the financial impact of the festive season, leading to conflicts or fractures in relationships.
Lindsay George, BACP therapist and member of The couples collective commented: “After Christmas and into January, therapists often see big spikes in receiving new clients. There’s something about January and not wanting to go into another year feeling like this in a relationship that brings people to re-evaluate their situation and seek additional support.”
The couples collective has shared its top five tips for how to navigate the pressures of this holiday season as a couple:
- Feel comfortable and confident to say ‘no’ if you’re being spread too thinly. The holiday season is a two-week period where most couples have to spend time together, with their families. A couple welcoming large numbers of family members during this period needs to be conscious not to take on too much, keep the relationship going and be aware of people outside of the relationship who can put added pressure on.
- Communicate openly. Allocate roles and responsibilities appropriately. Set aside the idea that the occasion has to be perfect to help manage expectations and be flexible. If you’re concerned about the cost, have a budget plan and stick to it. Manage your alcohol intake and be aware of how you respond to the after-effects of alcohol too. A lot of people feel low when they’re hungover, which can also impact relationships and cause conflict.
- Be conscious of others’ boundaries. They are essential within relationships, and everyone responds differently to busy social occasions like Christmas. Some people love the season while others like to have time out. Always respect your partner’s boundaries.
- Take a little break. Check in with your partner and if one of you gets a little bit snappy or stressed out, allow each other to take a moment for yourself.
- Remember you and your partner are a team. The holiday stress can get to everyone but working as a team will help you tackle the pressures of Christmas together. Make sure to find a quiet moment for each other as well.
Couples therapy can help when the attention goes off the relationship, especially when everything turns to conflict. When things get too much, at the expense of couples’ mental and physical health, having qualified support is key. Going to therapy can help couples establish what’s going on under the surface and deal with that issue as a team.
The couples collective booklet can be accessed here: www.bacp.co.uk/couplescollective
The booklet provides a starting point to guide couples towards steps in which they can improve their relationship, but by no means provides an exhaustive solution to all relationship problems.
To find qualified therapists, search BACP’s directory here: https://www.bacp.co.uk/search/Therapists
Featured Photo by Phillip Goldsberry on Unsplash
